Deyna McDonald

Archival, Existential Grief and Pain: The Individualism of Pain and Grief

From Left to Right:
– “We Know Each Other”, 2023, Acrylic on Canvas.
– “I Need Know You”, 2023, Acrylic on Canvas.
– “Convergence”, 2023, Acrylic on Canvas.
– “Stay with Me.”, 2023, Acrylic on Canvas.
*All scale 75cm x 100cm

Artist Statement

My work conceptualizes itself through the experiences (mainly my own) and situations brought about by Death and its ties to existential dilemmas like pain and grief. I like to question why these things happen and I like to portray how I might deal or have dealt with them. My works are personal but are also narratively involved so that there is a sequence that makes it possible for the works to be viewed almost as a calendrical turn of events as I start to change how I deal with and perceive my experiences. My works are individually motivated despite their recurring narrative due to multiple symbolisms.

Sometimes when I paint these scenes and concepts I feel as though I am lingering on the sadness of my cousin’s death, which brought about an existential denial due to the pain and grief it had caused. Sometimes it feels as though I have paid him more recognition now than when he was still breathing, conscious, here. My work has made me realize a guilt I have acquired since his death and through his lifetime- and this is the secondary pain that occurs after mourning- those “what if” and “why’s?” and “could have’s”. Sometimes I like to think of my work as an ode, sometimes poetic, sometimes ironic. I would have never painted about him if he hadn’t died. It is sad that I have realized the binaries of life and death through the dissection of my pain and grief. stuttering, yet dynamic is how I would like to describe my work and process. It felt avant-garde in the moments of their creation but resulted in the hypocritical fumes of exhausted mourning.

Whilst creating my work and for future works and series’ I would like to focus on and start a newer narrative of healing, that being said I would never really stray away from Death and its pain but rather to formulate ways in which I have and will come to terms with its frightening and confronting gaze. To escape the comfort of pain.

Whilst deepening my concept in my artistic practice, I have now progressed into a conceptual realm of the binaries of acceptance and avoidance.

From Left to right
– “The Rocking Chair”. 2023, Acrylic on canvas, 75cm x 100cm
– “Apocrypha”, 2023, Acrylic on Canvas, 75cm x 100cm

I have toned down my composition in the progression of my conceptual improvement (that which relates majorly toward my thoughts about life, living and existence and coming to terms with the pain and grief that these things may bring)

I want to acknowledge the odd sorts of peace that comes with accepting the impermanence of this life and present. maybe it is just an overdone thought, but it struggles through my mind every day. Where I begin to feel as if I live only in this fear of existing and knowing it won’t be forever.

The commotion of these thoughts perseveres, sometimes. Sometimes they acknowledge one another, sometimes they are explosive with one another. sometimes they leave me feeling awkward, non-deserving, quiet. It gets heavy. My art although special to my voice of concern, cannot show how dire my feelings are, but with that acknowledged, they.ve done their best existing in the form of some sort of experienced despair. some experienced doubt, and some experienced pain and death.

“The Hope in Calamity”, 2023, Acrylic on Canvas, 75cm x 100cm.